420 ftw
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
