would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
