You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
