I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My vagina just recognized that song.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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