The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
