I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
