Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
