What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
