Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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