Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i love accidental penises.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
