I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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