if i can run in heels then i can drive
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
