the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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