In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
