So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
