Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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