He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
