someone threw a dead crab at me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
