I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
