I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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