Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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