We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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