The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
