Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
