Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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