I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
