he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
