please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
