Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
