he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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