Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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