apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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