david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
