you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
