dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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