saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
