Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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