Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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