My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
