hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
