I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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