hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
