I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
