bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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