idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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