On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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