Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
