I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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