hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found puke in my bra..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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