Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
