Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
