fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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