Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
