I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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