Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize