Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
