im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
