so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
