...so i touched it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
