so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
