Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
