we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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