He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
nutella sex= disaster
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
