Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
