out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
