I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
