You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
