My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
