I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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